Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
