don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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