You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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