I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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