He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were trust falling into bushes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
