Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
