good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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