Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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