every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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