I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize