I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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