I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
