Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
