3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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