I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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