hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
