What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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