Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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