Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
