Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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