Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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