bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
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Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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