i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
