her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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