Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
