i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
