careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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