Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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