Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
