her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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