What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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