Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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