I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
