Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
