If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
