You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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