Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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