dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
