Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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