you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
