i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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