That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
