Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
