I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
