Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
