Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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