So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
