Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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