More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
