were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
