She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
