dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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