do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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