Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
