all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
