hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
