Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
