where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We don't watch enough power rangers
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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