After last night, I could never be a politician.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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