Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
