The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
