Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
