I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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