he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
