Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
