Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
